Welcome to ThisisJameson.com! Home of the craziest posts! Make sure you leave a comment on what you like or what you hate! And take advantage of the polls! 

MAN USES PUPPY’S MOUTH TO “PLEASURE HIMSELF” IN FRONT OF 9-YR OLD!!!

Sunday, January 15th, 2012

Where to start…

Well, the good news is there’s an outside chance that Thurman McGriff didn’t actually get a blowjob from a puppy. However, according to police, at the very least, he whipped out his penis in public and simulated oral sex, using the pooch’s mouth as the (ahem) pleasure center, in front of a 9-year-old boy.

According to court records obtained by New Times, police were called to the 1100 block of West Pima Street in Phoenix about 4:15 Saturday afternoon in response to a report that a man was exposing himself in public.

When police arrived, they found two witnesses — an adult and a 9-year-old boy — each of whom told police they saw the suspect (later identified as McGriff) exposing himself while holding a black and brown puppy.

At one point, the witnesses told police, McGriff “was using, or acting like he was using, his new puppy’s mouth to pleasure himself.”

Apparently, McGriff wanted a little privacy — when he noticed the 9-year-old was looking at him, McGriff yelled to the boy “[I’m going to] do this to you” if the kid didn’t stop staring at him.

In all, McGriff was booked on one count each of indecent exposure, bestiality, and sexual indecency with an animal.

MAN SEDUCES CUSTOMER WITH A BRA ON & CROTCHLESS PANTIES!

Sunday, January 15th, 2012

Jeff Watson, a 48-year-old Oklahoma City man was jailed after he allegedly exposed himself to a woman while trying on women’s clothing at a maternity-wear store.

According to police, officers were dispatched Dec. 27 after a woman called to report that a man inside a maternity store exposed himself to her while wearing a bra and crotchless panties.

Investigators say the woman was working as a clerk at Modern Maternity in the Penn Square shopping mall when Watson entered the store and began browsing for clothes.

The woman told officers that she had seen the man inside the store before, and believed that he shopped at the maternity store because of his “big belly.”

The clerk stated that Watson approached her, asked for her phone number and asked if she’d like to go to lunch with him. When the woman refused, Watson took his purchases to a dressing room and then called her over to help him.

When the clerk went to the dressing room section of the store, she encountered Watson, who was dressed in nothing more than a bra and crotchless panties.

The clerk stated that Watson kept asking her to look at him, however she refused and requested that he leave the store.

Once Watson had left the premises, the clerk contacted police.

Watson was booked into jail and charged with indecent exposure.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY: DUDE STABS FRIEND FOR BRING WRONG BEER!!

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

The following story involves a trailer park and Natural Light beer. We suggest you arm yourself with white trash repellent spray before reading. 25-year-old Brandon K. Smelser was hosting the party of the season at his trailer home in Valley Falls, Kansas…

No doubt it was the kind of bash where invites were cherished and boasted of by the finest people within Valley Falls’ social elite. But Christopher Daniel, 22, failed to show the proper respect for a fete of this magnitude.

It seems he showed up to the party carrying Natural Light. Worse, he probably only bought a sixer, as if he was visiting performance artists or something.

As anyone with an ounce of class knows, this not only says that you’re a cheap bastard, but that you have so little respect for your host that you’ll show up with the shittiest beer money can buy.

Of course Smelser, a cunning theorist on all matters etiquette, quickly deduced the slight. The two men began to fight in a parking lot. Then Smelser raised the stakes by stabbing Daniel.

It’s apparently illegal to stab someone in Kansas, even if they do show up with Natural Light. Daniel was taken to a hospital, where his condition is said to be life-threatening.

Smelser is now in the slam for attempted murder. He’s expected to invoke the Natural Light defense, contending the stabbing was justified.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY: BUSTED FOR DUI, WHILE GOING TO HER DUI TRIAL!

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

No one would accuse 37-year-old Jennifer Buckley of being one of the great minds of our time. Nor would her drinking buddies expound over her ability to hold her liquor. The Tampa woman was on her way to court for a previous DUI in Naples, Florida…

She naturally thought it would be a good idea to purchase some liquid courage for the ride. That’s when police received a call that there was a reckless driver on I-75. Deputies found a car matching the description and license plate at a nearby convenience store.

They also saw Buckley staggering out of the store with a can of Bud Light. Not only is she an amateur drunk, but she has exceedingly poor taste in American-made brewski products.

She dropped the beer, then picked it up and got into her SUV. A deputy knocked on her window and asked her where she was going. She said she was headed to her home in Tampa. The deputy politely informed her she was going in the wrong direction.

Then she admitted she was due in a Naples court for a previous DUI.

But the crack law enforcement officer believed she might be hammered. After all, he found another empty in the vehicle, as well as two empty bottles of Smirnoff.

She refused to take a breathalyzer or a field sobriety test, so she was pinched for her third DUI in seven months.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY: 2 IDIOTS LOCK THEMSELVES IN A COP’S VAN!!!

Monday, July 18th, 2011

Two South Jersey men prove that being drunk can really get you in some hot water after they broke into a police van, got locked in and ended up getting arrested.

Police say that on Saturday, Ryan Letchford, 21, and Jeffrey Olsen, 22, of Marlton, N.J. thought it would be funny to take a picture of themselves in an unoccupied Radnor police van, pretending to be in custody, when they accidentally got locked in, according to the Philadelphia Daily News.

After noticing their absence at a party, a friend, who was also drunk, found them in the van and tried to unlock it.

Unfortunately, the friend couldn’t figure out the lock either and called 9-1-1, reports the paper.

According to the Daily News, the men smoked cigarettes and spat while stuck inside the van waiting for help. They also tried to kick their way to freedom.

Radnor Const@ble Mike Connor, the man responsible for the van, unlocked the door to the van and let the men out…right before he arrested them for attempted theft of a motor vehicle, criminal mischief and public drunkenness, reports the Philadelphia Daily News.

WOMAN DECIDES TO SQUEEZE TSA AGENT’S TITTIES!!!

Monday, July 18th, 2011

Some may call it sweet revenge, but a 61-year-old woman is in hot water after she allegedly groped a TSA agent.

Officials said Yukari Mihamae was flying from Phoenix’s Sky Harbor Airport to Colorado when she put her hands on a TSA agent Barbara O’Toole’s tits and squeezed and twisted with both hands.

She was immediately taken into custody, Fox31 Denver reported – and “pulled away from the arresting officer when placed under arrest.”

While Mihamae admitted to groping the TSA agent, she did not give a reason why she did it, according to the report.

She faces a felony charge of sexual abuse and was released from Maricopa County Jail on Friday.

Neighbors say the Longmont, Colorado resident is self-employed and travels about three days a week.

“For her to be arrested for anything is totally shocking to me,” one neighbor told the TV station.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY: BANK ROBBER RETURNS TO BANK TO GET HOLD UP NOTE!

Friday, April 29th, 2011

Matthew Dale Hudleston, a 33-year-old Pensacola, Florida man who was jailed on bank robbery charges back in October has reached a plea agreement with prosecutors that shed some light as to how he was arrested.

According to police, Hudleston robbed the Foley bank on Oct. 22nd by handing the teller a note that stated “I have a gun, do not alert anyone. No alarms, no dye packs, give me all the money in your drawer. You have 15 seconds, do not panic or alert anyone.

Investigators say Hudleston left the bank with $9,945, but later returned to retrieve the note he handed to the teller.

Hudleston attempted to flee in a black Explorer, which was soon chased by a Baldwin County sheriff’s deputy and Summerdale Police. Hudleston was arrested after wrecking the Explorer.

The money and the hold-up note were both recovered from the wrecked Exploder (Explorer).

Hudleston was transferred to Santa Rosa County in Florida where he is wanted on probation violation charges, however he will be extradited to Mobile, Alabama for sentencing in the robbery case.

Prosecutors agreed to recommend a minimum sentence so long as it runs consecutively with whatever sentence he ends up with in the Florida case.

Post sponsored by @thisisdjdaz — Follow him on Twitter

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY: CALLS IN FAKE SHOOTING TO AVOID SPEED TICKET

Friday, April 29th, 2011

Post sponsored by @thisisdjdaz — Follow him on Twitter

In today’s joyous episode of dumb criminal of the day, we bring you the saga of Jonathan Paul Rorech, who’s such a moron he’d be an underdog in any game of checkers — even if his opposition was a toaster oven. The 31-yer-old dope was pulled over in Naples, Florida…

He was being pinched for speeding, but he was also driving on a suspended license.

So while the cop was in his car running his license, Rorech got a novel idea about how to beat the rap. He called 911 to report a shooting in the area, hoping the cop would respond and blow off his ticket.

That’s exactly what the cop did, only to find out the report of the shooting was false.

But this particular cop was not as dumb as he looked to Rorech. After discovering the shooting call was bogus, he decided to call back the number used to make the 911 call. He got Rorech’s voicemail.

Instead of just getting a ticket, our hero was arrested for making a false 911 call.

DUDE EJACULATES ON WOMAN IN CEREAL AISLE OF GROCERY STORE!!!!

Monday, April 11th, 2011

The announcement “Cleanup in aisle 5!” has taken on a whole new meaning at a Pennsylvania grocery store. It seems a creepy dude was following a 39-year-old shopper around the store as she was just about to leave the cereal aisle. That’s when she felt something hit her butt…

When she reached back to see what it was, her hand was covered with the distinct material of ejaculatory refuse, otherwise known as semen.

The creepy dude managed to escape before police arrived. But he’d made the fatal mistake of asking grocery workers for directions to the International Container Line warehouse in Chester Township. Witnesses say he was also driving an orange-and-white tractor-trailer.

Aston Township police checked surveillance cameras, which showed the pervert following the woman around the Giant supermarket with his hand in his pocket. Then they went to the warehouse, where they checked driver logs.

The chief suspect: 52-year-old Bobby Carter, a trucker from Leitchfield, Kentucky. It seems he was already a registered sex offender in Florida for a previous conviction of sexual battery. Police also say he has a history of — surprise! — exposing himself.

So they matched his previous mugshot to the man in the grocery surveillance video. Sure enough, they had their pervert.

Carter was arrested in West Point, Kentucky, and police believe this likely isn’t the first time he’s gone wangerific on unsuspecting women.

He’s now awaiting extradition back to Pennsylvania, where he’ll be charged with indecent assault, stalking and disorderly conduct.

2 PREGNANT WOMEN DECIDE TO ROB APPARTMENT!!!

Monday, April 11th, 2011

?If you’re 36 weeks pregnant — that’s nine months, if you’re not a math whiz — as far as we can tell, you don’t want to do much except have the damn baby.

If you’re Shadaysha Little, 18, you’re not going to let a little pregnancy get in the way of robbing someone, if what Texas City police say is true. And you take along your pregnant pal, Aricka Isaac, 22, to help. Hell, she’s only four months pregnant, it should be a breeze for her.

The two women were arrested in Texas City for breaking into an apartment, allegedly seeking money owed to them, and then robbing it while a female resident huddled in a bathroom talking to 911, according to the Galveston County Daily News.

Best line: A cop arrived and one of the suspects walked into the room. “The officer ordered the obviously pregnant woman to lay on the floor face first and ordered the second woman out of the room,” the paper says.

That’s gotta hurt.

?Both women were wearing shower caps and gloves, police said.

They’re both in Galveston County Jail on a $10,000 bond each. Hey, at least it’s free health care for the delivery.

92-YR OLD SHOOTS UP NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE CUZ HE DIDN’T WANNA KISS HER!

Sunday, March 27th, 2011
> Mar 23 - 92-Year-Old Woman Shoots Up Neighbor's House After He Refuses To Kiss Her - Photo posted in BX Daily Bugle - news and headlines | Sign in and leave a comment below!

A love-starved 92-year-old woman in Florida shot up her neighbor’s house after he refused to kiss her, local police said.

Helen Staudinger told police in Marion County that she went over to neighbor Dwight Bettner’s house on Monday and refused to leave without a kiss, police said.

The two argued for several minutes before the jilted Staudinger finally stormed back to her home, pulled out a .380 semiautomatic pistol and fired four shots at Bettner’s house, police said.

Bettner, 53, said he was on the phone when he heard the shots and that one bullet took out a window and showered him with glass.

“If my head would have been over just a little bit further, (a bullet) probably would have hit me in the back of the head,” he told Reuters.

Bettner, a former police officer, told the Ocala Star-Banner newspaper that it wasn’t the first time his love-struck neighbor acted out. She once tried to strangle a woman she thought he was dating, he said.

Staudinger told a judge that Bettner was “a smooth talker” with a lot of girlfriends and that she used to cook for him when he first moved into the neighborhood.

Initially, she had planned to shoot Bettner’s car “that he loved so much” but missed and hit his house, according to the police report.

The studly ex-cop insisted he never did anything to lead her on.

“I’ve taken her trash out for her, just neighborly stuff,” Bettner said. “I guess she just took that as something else.”

“I’ve got a girlfriend of my own,” he added.

Staudinger told police she was a widow with five children. Her husband died in 1982.

She was arrested on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and shooting at a dwelling.

“BABY, DID YOU SEE WHERE MY CHILD PORN CD GO?”…. SMH…

Monday, March 21st, 2011

When you’re very, very estranged from your wife because she thinks you’ve been cheating, there are several conversations you desperately hope never to have.

Chief among them would likely be something along the lines of “Umm, honey, have you seen my CD with the child porn on it?”

Ali Manual Cortez had a version of that conversation, and couldn’t have been happy with his wife’s response, which was basically “Oh, you mean the CD I handed over to the police? Yeah, I saw that.”

Cortez, of Katy, has been charged with possession of child porn as a result, court documents show.

He told investigators the CD, which was labeled “Famousa,” was “a gift from a friend in Venezuela and he had intentions of destroying it.”

Instead, he left it in a bag in his house while he went off to live elsewhere, which is probably not the optimum strategy in the porn-stash-hiding playbook.

Cortez’s wife told investigators she was “in the study looking for signs of infidelity” when she found the CD.

She called the cops; an officer said in the court documents the CD contained three videos, featuring kids aged 10 to 14 having sex with each other or, in one case, with an adult male.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY: RAMS TRUCK 4x IN HOUSE OVER 15$ DEBT!

Monday, March 21st, 2011

Glenna McDonald Demoss runs a pest control business out of her house in Bossier City, Louisiana. She says her son, who also works in the business, had offered to pay 39-year-old Randal Gatti $15 to drive one of their employees to a job. But the son was slow in paying…

And Randal really, really wanted that $15.

So he borrowed his mom’s truck — without bothering to ask her — and drove to Demoss’ home, hoping to collect. But as luck would have it, neither Demoss or her son were home.

Randal wasn’t happy about this. As we may have mentioned, Randal really, really wanted his $15. And he wanted it now.

So to demonstrate his displeasure at slow moving accounts payable, he rammed the truck into the house. Four times. When police arrived, they found Randal sitting in the driveway with the engine running. His mom’s truck was trashed.

Not only was Randal charged with criminal property damage for ramming the Demoss home, but his mom wasn’t happy that she used her truck to do it. Police also charged him with auto theft for taking her ride on his inventive little collection scheme.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY!!!

Saturday, March 12th, 2011

Gloria Soto, an 18-year-old Oregon woman was jailed after she allegedly vandalized a city bus by placing dog feces in the bus operator’s seat.

According to police, surveillance video from a TriMet city bus helped investigators track down the “dog poop bandit” – a woman who allegedly boarded a TriMet city bus and then somehow managed to pile dog feces on the driver’s seat.

Investigators say the woman boarded the bus on February 21 around 7:12, defiled the seat and then fled the scene. Video surveillance of the alleged “poopetrator” was released to the public, netting investigators about a dozen leads as to her identity.

Soto was booked into jail on charges of felony criminal mischief and interfering with public transportation.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY: ACCUSES TAXI DRIVER OF RAPE SO SHE WON’T PAY THE FARE!

Monday, February 28th, 2011

46-year-old Ellis F. Yates was out for a night at the Fox and the Hound pub, getting liquored up on festive American-made spirits. But it seems she’s not exactly a dude magnet, which means no one was buying her drinks all night, which means she spent all her money…

Still, Ellis wasn’t about to hoof it home. So she called a cab to squire her to her luxurious Louisville habitat. And that’s when she ran into problems.

As the cab neared her home, Ellis decided to jump out and bolt the scene. Alas, her plan was thwarted because she’s 46 and not in possession of the finest bolting powers. The cabbie simply followed her in his car, pissed that she’d stiffed him on a fare.

That’s when a police cruiser drove by and noticed the cab close at her heels. The cop asked Ellis if there was a problem. So she claimed the cabbie tried to rape her, but she was able to escape. And now the driver was stalking her.

Of course, the hack had a much different story to tell — one that was void of predatory desire, but filled with tales of middle-aged deadbeats trying to screw an honest working man on the job.

So the cop went back to confront Ellis on her tale. That’s when she admitted to fabricating the story.

It’s a pretty big sin, risking a man’s livelihood and freedom just because you didn’t want to come up with five lousy dollars for a ride home. But she’ll only have to face charges of false reporting. And, of course, whatever insults you, dearest reader, can creatively dump on this richly deserving woman.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY! ROBS HOUSE, LEAVES CELLPHONE CHARGING!

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

Cody Wilkins, a 25-year-old Maryland man was jailed Friday for a string of burglaries after he allegedly left his cell phone charging at the home of one of his victims.

According to police, Wilkins was burglarizing a home when the home owner’s son came home and startled him. Wilkins jumped out of a window and fled the scene, but left a cell phone behind that he had plugged into an outlet to charge.

Investigators say a power outage had effected several homes in the area including Wilkins’ home. They believe he took advantage of the burglary to also charge his phone, which led to his downfall when police searched the victims house and found a phone that didn’t belong to the homeowner.

Police called a number on the phone that turned out to be Wilkins’ girlfriend. With information from the phone and the call to his girlfriend, police managed to learn Wilkins’ address where they arrested him Friday night.

Through witness statements and jewelry found at Wilkins’ home, police were able to link him to several other burglaries that had taken place in the area recently. He allegedly made off with over $26,000 in jewelry, $3,000 worth of U.S. Savings bonds and almost $3,000 in cash.

Wilkins has now been charged with 9 other burglaries in the area. He was booked into the Montgomery County Jail on a $1 million dollar bond

DUMB FEMALE CRIMINAL OF THE DAY!

Monday, February 21st, 2011

Christine Stroh, a 21-year-old North Dakota woman was jailed after she fled a moving vehicle with passengers still inside, then tried to hide from police in an evergreen tree.

According to North Dakota State Troopers, an officer was attempting to pull Stroh over for an illegal turn when Stroh decided she would have no part of it.

Investigators say Stroh punched the gas and sped up to 35 miles per hour on icy roads when the trooper activated his emergency lights. At some point during the pursuit, Stroh reportedly jumped out of the vehicle as it barrelled towards a snow bank at 30 mph with two screaming passengers still inside.

Stroh, who had slipped and landed on her buisiness end, hopped to her feet and fled wearing high heels. When police finally caught up to her, she was hiding behind an evergreen tree, refusing to come out.

The officer called for backup and let Stroh sweat it out, laying in the brush of the evergreen.

When Stroh heard the impending sounds of police sirens, she ran from the tree, lost a high heel and inevitably wiped out on a patch of unforgiving ice.

Police tested Stroh’s blood alcohol content and found her to be intoxicated at twice the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle. She was also found to be driving on a suspended license with a previous DUI conviction within the past 24 months.

She was booked into jail on charges of reckless endangerment, DUI-second offense, driving on a suspended license and fleeing a law enforcement officer. She was released after posting a $1,500 bond.

DUMBEST BANK ROBBER OF 2011!!!

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

By day, 18-year-old Leticia Denova is a sweet little high school student from Austin, Texas. But she’s also taken to moonlighting as a bank robber. And if her latest caper at a Chase Bank is any indication, she’s still languishing in the beginner’s class of bad guyism…

The lovely and talented Leticia walked into the bank saying she had a bomb, a gun, and that she really would appreciate having some free money. She also had a ski mask on her head. But she seemed to forget the importance of actually pulling it down over her face so, like, she wouldn’t be recognized.

For some reason she also decided to pass the teller a bank card, though an ID usually isn’t required in an armed heist setting. Then she walked out with an undisclosed pile of loot.

Her problems began almost immediately. It seems Leticia wasn’t big on the whole pre-planning thing. Instead of scouting the city for an ideal bank, she simply decided to take down the one across the street from the dry cleaner where she worked.

So when detectives began showing surveillance photos of her around the neighborhood — which depicted the mask still on the top of her head, leaving her face exposed — dry cleaner workers immediately recognized their colleague.

For some reason Leticia also decided to rent a room at a Westin hotel. And she did so using the bank card she’d shown the teller during her heist. It may have been in someone else’s name, but it allowed cops to easily trace our hapless criminal.

Finally, an employee at the hotel saw a woman suspiciously enter a room, throw something in the trash, then quickly reemerge. When the guy checked the trash can, he found Leticia’s ski mask and some money. Our guess is she decided she didn’t need that free pile of loot after all. Or she was worried her plan had failed.

If you guessed option B, you’re correct! Leticia’s now been charged with robbery by threat. She’s also expected to be placed on suspension by the Armed Robber’s Union for violating numerous professional bylaws.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY!!!

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

A Southern California thief loading tires into a van made it easy for detectives to track him down: a video surveillance tape shows his name and cell phone number on the side of the van.

Prosecutors say 32-year-old Jeffrey Lewis Yancey, who also uses the name Jeff Yance Lewis, has pleaded not guilty to burglary and property fraud.

The Riverside Press-Enterprise says the Rancho Cucamonga man can be seen on video removing tires from Best for Less Tire Pros in Temecula on Jan. 17. The van was emblazoned with “Jeff Tires” and Yancey’s cell phone number.

Riverside County sheriff’s Sgt. Kevin McDonald says investigators called the number and arranged a meeting with Yancey. The stole tires were found in his home and Yancey was arrested.

DUDE GETS NAKED IN PPL’S BACKYARD! SAYS TO COPS HE CAN FINGER HIS ASS!

Friday, February 4th, 2011

A peaceful February afternoon was disrupted for a Phoenix family yesterday when a completely naked man hopped a fence and strutted around their backyard. After being taken into custody, the man had an interesting plan, which he described to police in way (way) too much detail.

Cops got a call about 4:20 p.m. yesterday that a naked guy was walking in the area of 4800 Palm Lane in Phoenix.

According to court records obtained by New Times, when police got the scene, they found 31-year-old Donald Wayne Calvert completely naked and hanging from a backyard fence in an alley behind the house. Despite being naked, Calvert was cooperative and took a seat in the officers’ cruiser.

Police talked to the residents of the house — a woman and her two minor daughters — who told them Calvert was completely naked when he jumped the fence into their yard and tried to moon them through the window.

Meanwhile, back at the police cruiser where Calvert was still naked and now rambling about laws and “the system,” the officers tried to question him. He had a better idea.

“Hey, look, I’m going to finger-bang my asshole and I want you to watch,” Calvert told the cops.

Calvert refused to put on clothes and rode to the police station naked before finally agreeing to put pants on when he arrived. But he wasn’t done.

Once at the precinct, Calvert had again had it with wearing pants. He stripped back down to nothing and raised hell in his holding cell.

“Check this out, chicks dig this,” he told cops — while standing on a bench in the cell and masturbating.

Then he took a quick piss on the floor before being taken to the Fourth Avenue Jail.

Court docs indicate Calvert is an alcoholic and a drug addict who was under the influence when he decided to show up naked in a Phoenix family’s backyard.

Calvert was booked on two counts of felony indecent exposure, one count of misdemeanor indecent exposure, and one count of trespassing.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY: COMES IN JAIL WITH JOINTS SEWN TO HIS BOXERS!

Monday, January 31st, 2011

Police said a man checking into jail had 15 marijuana cigarettes sewn into his boxers.

According to WLKY’s news partner the News and Tribune, Dontas Marshall, 41, was sentenced Jan. 5 to 15 years in prison for possession of cocaine.

Marshall, who was out of jail on bond, turned himself in to authorities at his sentencing hearing and was booked in to the Clark County Jail.

According to police reports, a corrections officer noticed Marshall smelled of marijuana.

Jail personnel found nothing in a pat-down search but said that Marshall was clenching his buttocks.

Officers then prepared to strip-search Marshall, who then admitted he had a joint in his boxers, police said.

Officers cut open the boxers and found 15 joints, according to police reports.

Police said, because of the amount, Marshall will face criminal charges.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY! JUST READ IT… SMH…

Monday, January 24th, 2011

You’ve ripped off someone’s credit cards, gone on a $2,000 spree at various suburban stores and the cops still haven’t caught you. Help ’em out!!

That was apparently the thinking of one woman, who in the course of using a stolen credit card got so swept up in the giant olive jars at Sam’s (we guess) that she dutifully posed for a photo to get her membership card.

We hope she enjoys her four-pound bottles of ketchup, because now police have a nice picture of her to pass around.

Her next move, we imagine: Using that stolen credit card to go wild at Glamour Shots.

The suspect is described as a black female, 30-40 years of age, 5-foot-7 to 5-foot-9 and weighing 160-170 pounds. She is said to look like she does in the friggin’ picture she had taken.

DUDE TRIES TO PICK UP CHICKS BY… PLACING PORN MAGAZINES ON THEIR CAR!

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

The 48-year-old love magnet from Rockdale, Illinois noticed two fetching damsels at the train station…

But he chose not to woo them with his golden locks. Nor did he wish to fetch them with his searing intellect by discussing the finer points of transmission fluid. He didn’t even use the customary manner of scoring chicks, whereby one claims to be the scion of a wealthy ball bearing dynasty in possession of enough money to buy Canadian bacon every day for breakfast.

No, Bradley was intent on working the subtle, patient approach. So he began placing porn magazines on the women’s cars after they departed on their daily commutes to work. Once he had them lathered into a state of feline heat, he would sweep them off their feet to the land of carnal ecstasy. Or at least that seemed to be his plan.

But either the women weren’t into bare naked copulation, or Bradley should have used Celebrity Skin rather than Buttman. He began his romantic adventure in early December, placing eight magazines on the women’s cars. Yet for some weird reason they weren’t tantalized. Instead of searching high and low for their anonymous suitor, they called the police.

So the cops set up a stakeout in the commuter train parking lot. That’s where they caught Bradley placing a magazine on a car. Not only was he busted for disorderly conduct and stalking, but he was hit with the crushing charge of littering.

His defense: He thought the women were pretty and hoped to get their attention. At least he succeeded in his latter goal.

DUMB CRIMINAL OF THE DAY: WOMAN HIDES FUR COAT IN HER… UNDERWEAR!!!

Monday, January 17th, 2011

> Jan 15 - Woman Accused of Stashing Fur Coat in Her Underwear - Photo posted in BX Daily Bugle - news and headlines | Sign in and leave a comment below!

Those must have been some mighty big knickers.

Police in Bloomington, Minn., say a shoplifter snatched a $6,500 fur coat — then hid it between her legs in a pair of barely-there underwear for three days while she was in jail.

As an accomplice caused a diversion, Stephanie Travetta Moreland allegedly stuffed the fur coat up her dress inside an Alaskan Fur Co. store on Dec. 31, police say.

But when a shop employee confronted Moreland, the 270-pound suspect pulled up her dress and mooned the worker, revealing her rear end but not the costly coat, police told CityPages.com.

Investigators say Moreland fled, but she was apprehended by police later that day.

During questioning, Moreland reportedly confessed that she had stolen the jacket, but claimed she no longer had it in her possession.

After authorities patted her down and checked her with a metal detector, Moreland spent the weekend in a holding cell with the costly outerwear in her underwear, according to cops.

But on Monday, when detectives told Moreland she had to go to court, the suspect allegedly pulled the fur from between her legs.

Bloomington police Cmdr. Mark Stehlik told the press he was amazed that the suspect customized her underwear so that from behind it appeared she wasn’t wearing any.

“I’ve seen plenty of innovative approaches to committing crime, but this one’s right up there.”

DOUCHE GETS TRAPPED IN HOME HE’S ROBBING; CALLS COPS TO HELP HIM OUT!

Friday, January 7th, 2011

John Finch, a 44-year-old Delaware man was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly burglarized a home – but then called 911 to ask officers to help him get out.

According to New Castle County police, officers and firefighters were dispatched to the home when Finch called 911 asking for help.

When officers arrived, they communicated with Finch through an open window at the back of the house – the same window he had used to break into the home.

Investigators say Finch had been trapped inside the home for several days. During his stay, he had reportedly consumed several bottles of Seagrams gin and two bottles of whiskey – complements of the home owner’s alcohol stash.

Finch had become so drunk, he was apparently unable to navigate his way back out of the window he had entered.

A quick background check revealed that he had a warrant for his arrest stemming from a burglary of the SAME home back in April. He was also wanted on a felony theft charge.

Finch was booked into jail on two counts of second-degree burglary and felony theft. Bail information was not immediately available.

Ustream Plugin created by Cheap Web Hosting - ?Powered by Tom Ford Sunglasses and how to play blackjack.